Parents Resource Guide

Sending a child to college can be exciting and nerve-wracking for parents. We want to help make the transition as smooth as possible. Please know that many people at Oxford are working hard to make your child's educational experience a positive time for learning and growth. In case you have specific questions or concerns, below you will find contact information as well as suggestions that may be helpful to you.

What to Expect

What can I expect my child to experience? Your son or daughter will very likely be experiencing a range of emotions as he or she leaves for college. Remember that these emotions, such as joy, anxiety, excitement, and sadness are perfectly normal. During the college years your child will be continuing a process of independence yet also establishing new and intimate connections with friends, faculty, and other mentors. He or she will be exposed to many new ideas and may experiment with new ways of being with friends and with you. Remember that many of these changes are a normal part of growing up. Also remember that every child is different and has his or her own experiences of dealing with the challenges and rewards of college life.

What can I expect to experience as a parent? Like your child, you can expect to experience a wide range of emotions when your child leaves for college. You may experience a great deal of pride and joy about your child's achievements. You may experience the joy of new freedom as your child leaves home, as well as sadness at his or her departure and a feeling of being less needed and left out. You also may worry about whether he or she will be able to adjust well to a new life, and you may worry about "losing" your child as he or she experiments with new ideas, behaviors, and relationships. You will likely experience difficulty in giving up some of the parental control you have had in the past. These are normal feelings and ones that are often good to share with other family members and friends.

IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS

As the parent of an Oxford student you can talk to a counselor at the Counseling Center during office hours, Monday through Friday, 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Eastern time. Counselors will be able to help you with many questions and concerns you may have about your child's well-being. They also can help you to decide if your child needs assistance and where he or she can get it. The number to call is 770.784.8394.

Confidentiality is an essential part of any counseling relationship and is legally protected in Georgia. Consequently, the Counseling Center cannot discuss your child's counseling in any way without written permission from your child, except in rare instances when disclosures are legally required including, but not limited to, situations when child abuse is suspected, when the therapist has reasonable cause to believe that a client presents a danger to himself or herself or others, or in response to a valid court order. You should not expect anyone from the Counseling Center to confirm in any way whether your child has been seen at the Counseling Center. However, you should always feel free to contact the Counseling Center if you have any concerns about your child, want the Counseling Center to be aware of something concerning your child, or have questions about how the Counseling Center works.

How you can help

1. Listen. One of the most important roles of a parent is that of listener and supporter. The importance of this role cannot be overestimated. Be an active listener. Work hard at understanding what your child tells you about his or her feelings or experiences. Be sure to listen before making suggestions or giving advice. Listening is always necessary and often sufficient.
2. Support independence. Offer suggestions when appropriate, but also allow your adult child to make up his or her own mind. Resist rescuing your child from a problem but rather let your child know how confident you are in his or her ability to resolve things independently. Help your child find the appropriate resources on campus.
3. Communicate. Stay in touch with your child. Let him or her know what is going on at home, when appropriate. Remind your child that he or she is still part of the family. It is important to maintain regular contact, but also to allow space for your child to approach you and set the agenda for some of your conversations. Recognize that it is normal for your child to seek your help one day and reject it the next. This behavior can be confusing and exhausting for you as a parent, so make sure to take care of yourself by talking about your feelings with your own support system.
4. Guide rather than pressure. College students need to pursue their own style and their own passions. Parental input can be useful but children should not live their parents' dreams. Dwelling on "my son the doctor" or "my daughter the lawyer" is unproductive. Parents need to allow for the candlestick maker to emerge if that's what is best. College is a time of self-discovery even if that involves some fits and starts.
5. Deal with problems effectively. If there are problems at home, a divorce or illness, for example, work hard to resolve them effectively. Just as you want to know that your child will be able to take care of himself or herself, your child needs to know that you can deal with these situations effectively on your own. Refrain from burdening your children with problems from home they have no control over and can do nothing about. Sharing these problems with your children may cause them to worry excessively and even feel guilty that they are away from home and unable to help. In the case of a divorce, work especially hard to keep your child out of the marital argument.
6. Know warning signs. Children are not always direct about letting parents know when they are experiencing even serious problems. Some warning signs are: a drop in academic performance, an increase in sadness or anxiety, calling home more or less frequently than usual, disengagement from friends or family, physical complaints, depression, eating problems, alcohol- or drug-related problems, and lack of social supports. If you see these signals do not hesitate to ask your child how he or she is doing, or call the Counseling Center to find out how you might get your child the help they may need.
7. Identify resources. This is particularly important if your child has a previously identified physical- or mental health-related condition or requires ongoing treatment or medication. Find out where important resources are for your child. Do not be shy about calling these resources if you or your child needs help.
8. Support yourself too. Do your best to maintain your own sense of well-being. This may involve eating and sleeping well, exercising, and setting new and creative goals for yourself. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise during this period of adjustment; develop and maintain your own support systems. Perhaps it is a good time to do some of the things you put off while your child was growing up. Taking on a new project or hobby can be an excellent way to channel your energy and feelings.

Other campus resources for students and parents:

Student Health Service
770.784.8376

Academic Services
770.784.8310

Office of Residential Education and Services
770.784.8383

Office of Religious Life
770.784.8392

Please see our Recommended Reading List which includes additional resources for your use.